English wine and Taunting, Bridget Jones style

January 17, 2007 at 6:19 am (Uncategorized)

Because my friends are funnier than I am, and after eight solid hours of thesis-wrangling, I have Nothing To Say.

An online friend posted her pitch for a sizzling new show, and I reproduce it in full:

New, from Dan Brown…
“þa Dag Wincynnes Codd”

When a pair of devoted sommelieres embark on a quest to taste the lost barrel of wine that supplied the last supper, they find themselves at the center of the biggest coverup in English history—and in the cross-hairs of a conflict that has raged since the Roman Empire.

When a puzzling manuscript suggests that the famous “win suðan”—whose legendary power of intoxication led to the brutal beating with cow skulls and subsequent headlessness of a renowned English bishop—was not French as history has taught, ruggedly-handsome Oxford theology professor Coonwolf is forced to confront a question that could rewrite English history as we know it:

What if the English *can* make decent wine?

With the help of Emma, Oxford’s attractive and promiscuous professor of French and Gender Studies, and Thelred, her incompetant but plot-necessary sidekick, Coonwolf follows the clues left by the manuscript: onto leaky Sutton Hoo reproductions, through anthropomorphized weather disturbances, down wells, up icebergs, into chicken-pens, through the month of December, and beyond.

And all the while he is being pursued by a mysterious one-eyed man with blood on his hands and garlic on his breath.

What are the secret English vinyards? Is their wine really palatable? How can we get some? Do we actually want some? What does this have to do with the Danish? How many STDs does Emma really have?

All this and more will be answered in…

“þa Dag Wincynnes Codd”

[end paste. Stay tuned for Episode One, coming soon to a SciFi channel near you!]

And another, in response to a very, er, very internet snippet I found which I will neither reprint in full nor link to but which contained such nuggets as “The life of the Anglo-Saxon warrior was a life of dreariness and misery….Still, there was music, art, jewelry making; life appears to be transient, but men create long-lasting works, almost like an anachronism…”

My friend, the Fearless Girl Reporter from Silent Hill, speculated on the possible source material for the complete version of this paragraph — perhaps it was some “archival Anglo-Saxon warrior’s Bridget Jones-style diary found somewhere in Merry Old England, possibly etched into a chalk cliff somewhere,” she suggested.

“Dear Diary,
“My life is one of dreariness and misery. V. sad. Tomorrow is my 26th birthday. Expect to pop off shortly – at least, that’s what Wulfhurst says. And he should know! He’s 32 – practically ancient! Ah well, at least I have art, music and jewelry. Sigh.”

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